Tutte le coppie felici hanno in comune alcune abitudini positive: incoraggiarsi reciprocamente, ascoltarsi, coccolarsi, sostenersi, evitare di criticarsi reciprocamente in pubblico e di intromettersi nella famiglia del partner con commenti fastidiosi. Se vogliamo che anche la nostra relazione vada bene, incominciamo, allora, a riflettere su cosa non fare mai e soprattutto cosa non dire mai! Le parole sono importanti e vale la pena di spendere un po’ di tempo ed energia per curare il vocabolario che usiamo con il partner. A volte, infatti, quando si discute, voler avere ragione a ogni costo può portarci a dire queste tre “frasi killer”:
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Mi dispiace, ma sono fatto così!
Questa è una frase ovvia che di sicuro prima o poi ci è stata detta, o abbiamo detto a qualcuno… esprime rigidità e, sotto l’apparente innocuo messaggio si legge una velata minaccia: “O fai come dico io, oppure mi allontanerò”. È una sorta di ricatto affettivo che non porta nulla di buono, per eliminarla sarebbe meglio dire “Sai, di solito mi comporto così, per abitudine, non avevo mai pensato che ti potesse disturbare”
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Le cose non sono più come prima
Frase da non dire perché è ovvia e trasmette l’incapacità di evolversi ed essere curiosi della vita… rimorsi e rimpianti, recriminazione, rimproveri velati sono un veleno che intossica alcune relazioni. Per evitare questo atteggiamento sarà più costruttivo far presente cosa ci sta mancando, quali elementi non ci sono più e impegnarsi, noi per primi, a costruire esperienze belle e positive
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Mi fai vergognare davanti a tutti!
Uno dei temi più caldi, specialmente all’inizio di una storia, è il rapporto che il partner stabilisce con i nostri amici, colleghi e familiari. La peggiore cosa che posiamo fare in assoluto è correggerlo/a davanti a tutti, perché ha un effetto umiliante. Se, davvero, davanti agli amici ha detto qualcosa che ci ha irritato, meglio specificare cosa ci è dispiaciuto e perché. Siate sempre specifici, o passerete l’idea che è proprio lui/lei come persona che riteniamo imbarazzante…
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